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Oyster in the Court!
Transcript (Scene cuts to Harold driving in his boat) Harold sees Tina-Fran walking down the street and stops his boat next to her. Harold: "Hey, Tina! Do you need a ride?" Charlie runs over to his boat. Charlie: "Hey! Stay away from my girlfriend! She doesn't want to be bothered by pests like you!" Harold: "Wait what? You're dating Tina, Charlie? I'm so sorry I had no idea. I thought she was still single." Charlie: "Oh yeah sure, pal! It's not like everyone in Bikini Bottom's known this for weeks or anything! I know you were trying to steal her from me!" Charlie grabs Harold's boat and picks it up. Harold: "No Charlie I swear I had no idea! Hey, hey, hey! Please put down my boat Charlie. Let's not make a decision that you'll end up regretting and I'll end up paying my insurance hundreds for!" Charlie throws his boat onto the other side of the street. Tina: "Oh Charlie, you're so strong." Charlie and Tina walk away. Evelyn walks past Harold's boat. Harold: "Ouch! My insurance is definitely going to skyrocket after this. Oh, hey Evelyn! Need a ride?" Evelyn: "From you? No way! Get lost, Harold. I'd rather walk for miles to get to the mall than let you drive me." Harold: "Okay, suit yourself. I'm sure that lots of other girls will want to get a ride from a man who's getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame!" Evelyn: "Yeah right. As if the Scientist Hall of Fame would ever consider inducting you." Harold: "Well I think this letter says otherwise." Harold pulls out an envelope and give it to Evelyn. Evelyn reads the envelope and sees that it's from the Scientist Hall of Fame Induction Committee. Evelyn: "Great Neptune! You actually did get in!" Harold: "Yep. In fact, the induction ceremony is happening in thirty minutes. Wanna come? I heard that every inductee can bring a special guest." Evelyn: "Would I?!" Evelyn jumps into Harold's boat. Harold: "Great, I knew you'd want to come! No girl can resist my good looks and charming personality!" Evelyn: "Uh, yeah... sure." Harold starts driving down the road. Harold: "You know Evelyn, I don't think I've ever gotten to reveal my true feelings for you. I've always felt a certain connection with you. It's like..." Harold and Evelyn drive pass Nazz pushing her baby in a baby carriage. Evelyn: "Yeah that's great Harold. Hey Nazz! Is your man getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame today? Didn't think so!" Harold: "So as I was saying I've always..." Harold turns around a corner and pass by Martha and Nancy eating at a diner. Evelyn: Hey Nancy! Hey Martha! Are you're husbands getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame like my Harold is? Didn't think so! Look who has a super successful man now! You know, Harold, I've... uh... always had feelings for you. I was just too shy to tell you before. But now that you're getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame, I can confidently say that I was right about you. I've always supported your decision to become a scientist even when everyone else thought you were crazy." Harold: "Everyone thought that I was crazy for becoming a scientist?!" Evelyn: "Oh yeah everyone in Bikini Bottom though that except me! I was the only one who ever believed in you, even my sister and Nat thought you were insane!" Harold: "Nat thought I was insane?" Evelyn: "Oh yeah, he thought that you were such an idiot for never getting a real job! But who cares? We just proved the entire town that they were wrong! As long as we have each other, we'll prove the ocean wrong every time." Harold: "Thanks Evelyn, that really means a lot. You know I've never gotten the chance to tell you..." Evelyn sees Shubie jogging down the street. Evelyn: "Let's get married!" Harold: "What, really? Sure, we can get married!" Harold and Evelyn pass Shubie. Evelyn: "Hey, sis! Guess who's getting married to Harold, again?" Harold: "Wow, I can't believe this is happening! I never thought that you'd ever want to get married to me!" Evelyn: "Are you kidding? Who wouldn't want to get married to a fish that's in the Scientist Hall of Fame? Finally, all those snobby women who think that they're better than me will be kissing the ground I walk on! I'll be the most important woman in Bikini Bottom, even more important than my sister! They'll even make a show about us! It'll be called Harold and Evelyn Adventures! What a perfect name. Let's get married today Harold, right after the induction ceremony!" Harold: "Okay let's do it!" Harold parks his boat in front of the Scientist Hall of Fame, and he and Evelyn park their boat and walk up to the front door. Harold knocks on the door and a scientist opens it. Scientist: "Hello?" Harold: "We're here for the induction ceremony. I'm one of the scientists getting inducted." Scientist: "Right this way! And your name is?" Harold: "Harold." The scientist looks at a list. Scientist: "I'm sorry, but there's no one named Harold on this year's inductee list. Are you sure you're getting inducted?" Harold: "Yes I definitely am! I got this letter in the mail yesterday." Harold shows the scientist the envelope. Scientist: "Uh, this envelope is addressed to Sally." Harold: "What?!" Harold looks at the envelope and sees in the top left corner that it's been addressed to Sally. Sally walks up to them. Sally: "Hi, Harold, I didn't expect you to be here! Oh, that must be my Scientist Hall of Fame induction letter! Thank you for coming all the way here to give it to me! I've been meaning to give you this too. I think the mailman screwed up our mail the yesterday because I have yours." Sally hands Harold some mail, grabs the induction letter and walks away. The scientist starts laughing. Scientist: "You didn't even bother opening the envelope to see what the letter says?! It's clearly for Sally!" Harold: "I don't know, I just read the Scientist Hall of Fame Induction Committee part and figured that I had gotten in." Scientist: "You thought that you had gotten inducted?! Why would we ever induct a moron like you? You don't even know how to fully read an envelope, much less open it! Now get out and don't come back until we actually induct you, which will never happen!" The scientist laughs and pushes Harold and Evelyn out the door before slamming it behind them. Evelyn: "I always knew you were crazy." Evelyn walks away. (Scene cuts to Sadie parking her boat in her driveway) Sadie gets out of her car, opens up her trunk and takes out a bag of groceries. Sadie looks up and sees Nat and Shubie standing in their front yard. Sadie: "Oh hiiii, Nat. I didn't notice you there. How are you today?" Shubie: "Look honey, it's our hideous neighbor. Is that makeup on your face, Sadie? Or did you rub a pile of trash on yourself this morning? Speaking of trash, is that where you found that shirt? It looks repulsive. But then again, you don't have the body to pull off a bikini so it's better if you keep it hidden under that shirt. Isn't that right, Nat? Isn't she hideous?" Nat pushes Shubie onto the ground and runs towards Sadie. Nat: "Sadie, I love you! You look gorgeous in that dress don't listen to anything my sea pig of a wife says. She knows absolutely nothing about fashion. You're the most attractive fish in Bikini Bottom. I can't believe it's taken me this long to reveal my true feelings for you I've been so miserable without. Every night I wonder about how much better my life would've been if I had chosen to marry you instead of Shubie." Sadie: "Really? So have I!" Nat: "So what do you say, Sadie? I can't stand to be apart from you for any longer. Will you marry me?" Sadie: "Nat, I've been waiting for thirty years to hear you say that! Yes! I will marry you!" Nat: "Come on Sadie, let's go have children." Sadie: "Oh, Nat." Sadie and Nat are about to kiss each other, but a construction noise comes out of Nat's mouth. Sadie: "What was that? Oh who cares? Let's just get on with it!" Sadie and Nat are about to kiss each other, but a construction noise comes out of Nat's mouth again. Nat makes another construction sound. (Scene cuts to Sadie walking up from her dream) Sadie hears a construction noise coming form outside. Sadie runs to her window and opens it. Sadie sees Harold building a huge invention in his backyard. Sadie: "Oh I should've known it was him." Sadie slams the window shut, walks downstairs and opens her front door. Sadie: "Harold, what the barnacles are you doing?!" Harold: "Oh hi, Sadie! I'm just building my new disintegrating ray! With the sound of my voice, this invention will disintegrate anything in ocean no matter how big or small it is! I'll finally get my revenge on those jerks at the Scientist Hall of Fame! I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they see that their precious building has been turned into nothing but dirt and ash!" Sadie: "As long as you don't bother me when I get back from Sadie's Cookies I don't care what you do." Harold: "Don't worry I'll be done by then!" Sadie: "Great." Sadie gets into her boat and drives to Sadie's Cookies. Harold: "Eureka! It's finished! Now it's time to test this baby out! All I need is something to test it on." Harold looks around and sees Evelyn walking down the street wearing a wig. Evelyn walks past Nancy's house. Evelyn: "Hey Nancy! Don't you wish that your hair still looked like mine does? It's too bad that it looks so old and gray now!" Harold: "Perfect!" Harold pulls out a remote control and pushes a button. Harold: "Disintegrate Evelyn's wig!" The disintegrating ray shoots a laser at Evelyn's wig. Evelyn's wig disintegrates into dust. Nancy: "Well at least I have hair Evelyn!" Evelyn angrily walks away. Harold: "It's a success! Now it's time to get my revenge on the Scientist Hall of Fame! And as I fire my disintegrating ray, I'll fire one of these fireworks I made that'll tell them and all of Bikini Bottom what I genius I am!" Harold lights one of the fireworks and pushes the button on his remote control. Harold: "Disintegrate ..." Harold's stomach rumbles. Harold: "Building this ray has really given me an appetite! Maybe I'll go buy something as Sadie's Cookies after this." The disintegrating ray fires a laser and Sadie's Cookies. The firework shoots in the air. Harold: "Uh oh, this can't be good." (Scene cuts to Sadie walking into the mall while Nat unlocks the front doors of Sadie's Cookies) Sadie: "Oh hi Nat! Are you ready for another day of working alongside your favorite woman?" Nat: "Shubie's helping us today?" Sadie sighs. Sadie: "No, just unlock the doors Nat. I can't wait to get started!" Sadie walks up next to Nat while he finishes unlocking the doors. Sadie looks up and sees the laser break through the sun roof in the mall and head right towards her and Nat. Sadie: "Nat look out!" Sadie grabs Nat and jumps away from the laser as it hits Sadie's Cookies. The store disintegrates into dust. Nat: "Sadie, you saved my life!" Sadie goes to kiss Nat. Nat: "Sadie, what are you doing?" Sadie: "Oh! I'm just going to kiss the ground! You know, like all those fish do in movies when they almost die." Sadie jumps onto the ground and starts kissing it. Nat: "Uh, okay. What are we going to do about the store though?" Sadie looks up and sees that her store has been disintegrated. Sadie: "This has Harold's name all over it! I'll sue him for disintegrating my store!" Nat: "Whoa Sadie, let's not jump to conclusions here. Anyone could've done this to our store. We can't be 100% sure that it was Harold." Harold's firework explodes over where the sun roof used to be. The firework says: "Disintegrated by Harold!" with a picture of his face next to it. (Scene cuts to a courtroom) Judge: "Order in the court. Let the trial begin." Harold: "I plead innocent your honor!" Sadie: "He's guilty! I saw him do it!" Judge: "Relax Harold and Ms. Rechid, we're not at that part yet. Do either of you have a lawyer representing yourself though?" Harold and Sadie shake their heads. Judge: "Well we can't have that. I hereby assign you both public defendants." Tom and Martha walk into the courtroom. Tom sits down next to Harold and Martha sits next to Sadie. Sadie: "Martha, you and Tom are public defendants? But neither one of you are lawyers! He's the manager of a mattress store and you own a pickle store!" Martha: "Yeah I know, we know nothing about being lawyers. We just started doing this recently to deal with our relationship issues. We realized that our home life is so much more peaceful after we tire ourselves out arguing in a courtroom for hours." Judge: "Does the prosecutor have anything to say?" Martha stands up. Martha: "Yes. Harold is clearly guilty of destroying my client's cookie store." Tom stands up. Tom: "I think what my bald client is trying to say is that Harold is clearly innocent of all charges!" Martha: "Bald?! You're one to talk grease head!" Tom: "Well at least I don't weigh twice as much as my client!" Martha: "Well at least I don't act like a savage beast whenever I see a chocolate bar!" Tom: "Well at least I haven't been trying to go on diets for the past five years!" Martha: "Oh well at least I'm doing something about it! You haven't done anything about your anger issues!" Sadie looks at her watch. Sadie: "Can we speed this up please? I don't want to hear this argument go on for hours." Judge: "I agree, I've heard enough of this. I've made my decision. Harold, you are clearly guilty of destroying Mrs. Rechid's store and as punishment you must repay her however much it is determined to be worth." Patty Rechid walks up to the judge and whispers something in her ear. Judge: "Bikini Bottom Realty has determined that Sadie's Cookies was worth three million dollars." Patty winks at Sadie and gives her a thumbs up sign as she walks past her. Harold: "What?! That's ridiculous! There's not way her store was worth that much!" Judge: "Silence! I've already made my decision. Bikini Bottom Realty has always given me a reasonable and fair estimate on how much a building is worth." Harold: "But I don't have that kind of money!" Judge: "Well you better figure out a way to get it then. Case dismissed." The judge hits her gavel. The judge then points at Martha and Tom. Judge: "And as for you, I hereby sentence you two to a year of therapy. Screaming at each other in a courtroom isn't going to fix any of your marriage problems." Martha: "Oh yeah, that makes sense. I can't believe we didn't think of that before." Tom: "Yeah, thanks Judge! Why don't we go today, Martha?" Martha: "Sounds good to me." Tom holds the door for Martha as they walk out of the courtroom. Tom: "Ladies first." Martha: "Oh Tom, you're such a gentlefish!" (Scene cuts to Harold selling his inventions at a yard sale) Martha: "Five dollars for the hair growing potion?" Harold: "Sure." Martha hands Harold five dollars and walks away. Clayton: "Seven bucks for the sleeping potion?" Harold: "I guess." Clayton: "Great! I can finally get some beauty sleep!" Clayton hands Harold seven dollars and walks away. Mabel: "How much for the Ultimate Cleaning Machine?" Harold: "How much do you have?" Mabel opens her wallet. Mabel: "One dollar?" Harold: "Oh come on! I saw that you had a fifty in there! Do you know how long that took me to create?!" Mabel: "Do you want me to buy it or not?! I'll give you one dollar for it, take it or leave it." Harold: "Fine." Mabel hands him and a dollar before pushing the machine away. Shubie and Sadie walk past Harold's house and notices the yard sale. Sadie: "Why are we walking together again?" Shubie: "Why is Harold selling all his inventions?" Sadie: "Oh, he’s probably doing that to get the three million dollars he owes me." Shubie: "Harold owes you three million dollars?" Sadie: "Nat hasn’t told you? Harold owes me three million dollars for disintegrating my store." Shubie: "Oh that’s why Sadie’s Cookies wasn‘t there today? I was wondering about that when I went to work today. I was worried that maybe the mall knocked it down because you couldn’t pay the rent. Isn’t three million a little much though? You know he doesn’t have anywhere near that kind of money, and there’s no way your store is worth that much." Sadie: "Harold almost disintegrated the love of my life! Uh, I mean, my precious store! Three million is more than enough." Sadie and Shubie walk away. (Scene cuts to later that night) Sally: "Thanks for the blueprints, Harold!" Sally grabs Harold's blueprints and walks away. Harold: "That's everything and I'm still $2,998,500 short. Well I guess it's time to sell my house then." Harold puts up a sign in his yard that says "House For Sale!". (Scene cuts to a few days later where a "Sold!" sign is covering the "House for Sale!" sign) Harold: "I’m still well over two million short, and now I have nowhere to live. I guess I’ll have to ask to move in with someone, but who? Oh, I know!" (Scene cuts to Harold standing in front of Evelyn’s house) Evelyn: "No." Evelyn slams the door in Harold’s face. Harold: "Okay, who else could I ask? I guess I could ask the Smiths, I was always a good neighbor to them." Harold walks over to Tom and Martha’s house and knocks on the door. Martha opens it. Harold: "Hey Martha, I just sold my house and now I have nowhere to live. Is it okay if I stay with you and Tom for at least the night?" Martha: "Why? So you could disintegrate our house next? My father worked very hard to lend me enough money to buy a house like this and I’m not gonna let you and your crazy inventions destroy it! Get lost, Harold. I hope the new neighbors won’t try building any disintegrating rays either. Thank you for the hair potion by the way, I really appreciate it. Now beat it, Harold!" Martha strokes her new brown hair before slamming the door. Harold: "Who should I ask now? Maybe I could ask Nat, he is my best friend after all." Harold walks up to the front door of Nat’s house. Harold goes to knock on it but stops. Harold: "Wait, I just disintegrated Nat’s store and almost killed him today. He probably never wants to see me again. Probably no one in this town does. I should get out of here. Maybe I’ll move back to New Kelp City." (Scene cuts to Abigai-Marge sitting behind a bush, holding a pair of binoculars) Abigail-Marge: "This plan will work for sure! When Shubie forces Nat to take the trash out tonight, I’ll kidnap him and take him to my place. Then once he‘s there alone with me for a few hours, he’ll realize that he belongs with me and not Shubie! Then we’ll buy a nice house and live happily ever after! It’s foolproof!" Abigail looks at Nat‘s house through her binoculars and sees someone standing at the front door. Abigail-Marge: "Is that Nat at the front door? He must’ve already taken out the trash but forgot his key and now he’s locked out of the house! It’ll take his idiot wife at least five minutes to realize that he’s locked out and go across the house to unlock the door, giving me plenty of time! This couldn‘t get any more perfect!" Abigail runs to the front door and throws a sack over his head. Harold: "What the-" Abigail takes out a baseball bat and hits him on the head with it. Harold falls down and Abigail drags him away. (Scene cuts to Harold tied to a chair with the sack still over his head. Harold starts making noises from under the sack) Abigail: "Oh! He must be waking up! Hello my love... (Abigail takes off the sack) Ah! You’re not Nat!" Harold: "Martha Smith! You kidnapped me?! But why? Also, have you lost weight since we last saw each other? It’s not a huge improvement, but an improvement nonetheless." Abigail: "No I’m not Martha Smith! Why does everyone think that? But enough about me, who the barnacles are you? And what were you doing at Nat’s house?" Harold: "I’m Harold." Abigail: "Harold? As in Nat’s best friend, Harold? This might be even better than kidnapping Nat himself!" Harold: "Yeah I guess but I don’t know if I’m still his best friend now or even his friend." Abigail: "Oh, why not? What happened? Did Nat stop appreciating you because you’re not a pink fish who he stupidly chose to have kids with too?" Harold: "What? No, it’s because I accidentally destroyed his store. Why do you have such a big obsession with Nat though?" Abigail: "Oh, you still don’t recognize me? It’s me, Abigail!" Harold: "Who?" Abigail: "You know, Nat’s girlfriend before he decided to get back together with Shubie. I went to high school with him. I was on the tennis team." Harold: "Doesn’t ring a bell." Abigail sighes. Abigail: "Well that’s who I am." Harold looks around the room. Harold: "Oh, is this your apartment too?" Abigail: "Yeah, I know it’s small but when I came back to Bikini Bottom I was originally planning on getting a house with Nat. Little did I know that he had forgotten all about me and decided to patch things up with that sea cow. So I had to move into this tiny apartment in New Kelp City." Harold: "We’re in New Kelp City?! I grew up here!" Abigail: "Nice. So why don’t you tell me everything you know about Nat. I have so much to learn!" Abigail pulls out a notepad and a pencil. Harold: "Well, he wears blue shorts. He’s 36. He has to kids named Susie and Billy. He likes to play sports. He lives in a house." Abigail: "Go on." Harold: "Uh, he was voted prom king in high school. He was the star football player for Bikini Bottom. My team beat him in the championship game because he broke his leg. He challenged my team to a rematch about two or three years ago and unfortunately his team beat us. At first he was a bus driver, then he worked for SnailPo until the Bikini Bottom branch closed down, and now he works with Sadie Rechid at Sadie’s Cookies." Abigail: "He works with Sadie?! That woman always has a card up her sleeve. Now I have to worry about her too. Continue." Harold: "Um... he and Shubie have been back together for about two years now." Abigail: "Do you know how they got back together?" Harold: "Yeah, I was there actually." Abigail: "You were?! Tell me everything!" Harold: "Well, Shubie asked me to go on a date with her because she didn’t want to stay single forever and I agreed. Apparently Nat found out about this and got jealous so he set up his own date with Sally on the same night. So we all sat there together at a restaurant and Shubie wasn‘t saying much so I started talking to Sally about all of the science experiments we made." Abigail: "Oh, that is so Shubie! She’s so boring isn’t she? Her whole personality is ‘I played softball in college’. Keep going." Harold: "Okay, so after a little while me and Sally left to go look at my experiments which left Shubie and Nat all by themselves. I guess they realized that they both still have feelings for each other that night so they decided to get back together." Abigail: "So Nat’s the jealous type! That gives me an idea! We should pretend to be dating and make Nat jealous!" Harold: "Uh I dunno... I’d feel kind of bad tearing Nat and Shubie apart." Abigail: "Oh come on, don’t you want to be friends with Nat again? Plus, I’ll untie you from this chair and let you sleep handcuffed to a bed tonight." Harold sighs. Harold: "Deal." More to come... Category:Nat Peterson Adventures! Category:Episodes Category:Transcripts Category:Episode Transcripts